Hostess, I am

Today was the start of our book club and I couldn't be more pleased.  It was everything I hoped it would be.
For starters, I was inspired by my mother to make a french toast casserole that was so easy and ended up being all sorts of delicious. 
In addition, I had fresh fruit with homemade whipped cream, hot out-of-the-oven croissants (the Pillsbury kind- don't give me that much credit) with butter and jam, and an assortment of beverages.  And the best part? I had all I needed to ARRANGE the spread.  The right dishes, silverware, accoutrements, right down to the syrup container and creamer pitcher...and it felt good.
Just take a gander.

Inaugural Book Brunch of tastiness

I even busted out my new table runner for the occassion.  Fancy-shmancy.
Goodness was enjoyed by all (at least I think) and I was overjoyed.  It was really fun to plan and make.

"Why now?" you ask? "Since when were you such a homemaker?"
Well, I'll be downright honest with ya- it's because I can.  Before, when attempting a meal shared by others, I was frozen with fear and scrambling for the basic essentials (i.e. things to put the food IN) and now I'm not.  And it's lovely. It is my kitchen, with everything I need, and I can make it look nice with our things.
Simple luxury, but totally true.  Nothing has ever been solely mine to use, whether it was space or servingware, and our kitchen and house have come together to make a wonderful space to entertain (I know, I know- too far).
All in all, it was a nice morning with great friends, discussion, and food. Looking forward to this happening monthly. A blessing, indeed.

Umm...and you know that when I say words like "mine" or "my," I'm automatically including Kenny as a mutual owner of everything culinary as opposed to roomates of old, right?  Okay, good. You get it.

THANK. YOU.

"Nothing is so fatiguing as the eternal hanging on of an uncompleted task." ~William James

At this point, I am considering myself insane.  Why? Because of the torture I have been putting myself through since getting back from the honeymoon.  One that gives me nightmares and lives in the back of my mind at all times, creeping up into other thoughts and shattering moments of peace with a scream that doesn't hold back.  A traditionally brutal practice, familiar to brides/new moms/graduates everywhere.

The Thank You note.

No, friends, they have not gone out yet.  I know that etiquette is on my side on this one, claiming that I have a year to get them out.  But just like every other wedding detail being tackled by brides everywhere, that timeline is null and void.  This is 2010, people.  A time where the pressure is great (hello, wedding blogs), the competition is fierce, and everyone is freaking getting married.  No one "takes their time" with anything anymore.  It's get it done done done. (Hey- you know when you type/write/say a word a lot and it starts to look or sound funny? That just happened with "done." So strange.) Does no one procrastinate anymore?



Running to check Facebook.

I used to be in good company.  During the days of homework, I surrounded myself with people who also put papers off 'til the last minute.  People who also found it crucial to watch "just one more" episode of Friends, make another cup of tea, or chat. I always admired those who tackled their work with vigor, completing their work in a timely manner with diligence and focus. But they were the MINORITY. Comfortable with this way of life, I entered into The Bride Zone.  Suddenly, there was no time to waste.
"Have you done this yet?"
"You check this off your list?"
"Are you completely finished planning your wedding, everything paid, all DIY with six months to spare?"

No.

Now, I made it through relatively unscathed. With head held high, details came together and people showed up in order to have a pretty awesome wedding.
Now, I just have to thank them.
Sigh.
Don't get me wrong- I'm not sighing because I must express my gratitude to all involved and the loving, wonderful people who blessed us with gifts and help. I've been wanting to do that since before the wedding. It's just the project I've made it into (please refer to my prior post about projects).
Armed with paper, papercutter, glue, envelopes, fancy pen, and pictures to include (finally), all I have left to do is put it all together and write personal, heartfelt messages in each and every one.
"Have you written your Thank Yous yet?"
No.
But I will.
By August.
;)

"The best way to get something done is to begin." ~Author unknown

White walls

Here I sit, on a leisurely Saturday morning with a fresh cup of coffee and surrounded by things to hang on the walls.  Doesn't this sound lovely?

HELP, friends.  I. Am. Paralyzed.

If I have an Achilles heel, it's projects.  I have the best of intentions always, yet the worst execution of anyone I know.  The ideas! The possibilities! The wall space!  I was a DIY bride (to a fault, my friends would say), so why can't I be a DIY wife?  Are the ideas just dormant and will suddenly awaken me in the middle of the night, or will I be staring at blank walls until we move again?
Okay, so that's a bit dramatic. But at this point, I don't have much confidence in myself.  Checking things off of my wedding list was one thing (We need centerpieces? What the most cost-effective and hopefully pretty way we can do that? Done.), but decorating is a completely different project.  It is both unfortunate and a blessing to have such creative and ambitious friends- can I just ask them?  No.
So I need your help.  I need a deadline, I need motivation, I need resources. Now is not the time to be silent, dear reader(s).
And I will dedicate a wall to you.  :)

Words of others.

"Have courage for the great sorrows of life and patience for the small ones; and when you have laboriously accomplished your daily task, go to sleep in peace. 

God is awake."

Victor Hugo

"God brings no woman into the conflicts of life to desert her.  Every woman has a Friend in Heaven whose resources are unlimited; and on Him she may call at any hour and find sympathy and assistance."

Bob Sorge

"The uncommon woman understands her capacity for pettiness, selfishness, and a sinful bent that leads her away from the Almighty.  But her thoughts don't dwell there. No, despite what she knows about herself, she entrusts herself fully to the One who will shape her into a thing of magnificence."

Susie Larson

This last quote is straight from the author of a great study I am starting called "The Uncommon Woman."  I am a total skeptic when it comes to studies for women, I will admit.  Too many times have I gone in optimistic, only to be pelted with flowery language and mushy, delicate euphamisms for God (sorry, but we all know it's true).  Sure, there is some of that here, too, but she manages to nail female characteristics that harm and hinder to a tee and points us to the Bible.  Apparently, it's striking a strong chord because this is exactly where I am at- doubting, frustrated, lonely, seemingly worthless in my faith and unable to fix it myself. I wasn't totally aware of this until I began reading, all innocent-like, and found myself thinking, "Um, TOTALLY" with every paragraph.  God is so good, especially when He knows exactly what you need and when you need it.

Thanks, God.

Keep up with me

Again, thank you for the grace you have extended during this time of remodel. Hey, my husband has his remodel "sites" and I have mine.
A few thoughts for today:

I have always had this thought/fear that I would die by car accident.  As I drive I imagine what it would be like or see people make risky decisions and think, "it could have happened then." I never feel more vulnerable to my time being up than when I drive.  Hopefully this is not the case, of course. I know this is a sad thought (sorry, Mom) and that, no matter what, the Lord will take me however He sees fit and I am not afraid of that, but I was just thinking about it today and wanted to get home safe. And I did.


Today is my Friday.  And I was prepared to take full advantage.  I had a snack, started some laundry, did some emailing, and randomly turned on Oprah.  There I am, typing away while she is chatting in the background, and suddenly....the BACKSTREET BOYS were on.  All my frozen self could think as each of their sweet faces graced the screen was, "this was meant to be." Mind you, I haven't seen them in a LONG TIME.  Back in my boy band hayday, I was quite the follower.  Okay, I was obsessed.  I would have put any girls claiming to be their #1 fan to shame (including the girl Oprah featured, whose posters I already had and whose dance moves to "Everybody" needed some work) and have damaged many-an-innocent-bystanders eardrums with my screaming if The Boys were mentioned, let alone came on the radio.  Imagine my delight when they weren't just featured, but they performed.  Now, I held on to my composure up until that point.  But something about sitting in front of my television, watching them sing just as I have done so many times before, made me swoon just like I was a teenager. Chills, friends. Chills.

Finally, I am going back to the gym.  No longer would my thighs accept the excuse of, "but the account is frozen." Turns out that when I looked into it, "unfreezing" my account took about 30 seconds.  This period of letting myself go is going to come to an end and I am ready to huff, puff, and sweat. At least that's how I feel today- we'll see what tune I'm singing when I'm supposed to be there by 8am tomorrow morning.

The End.

Ch-ch-ch-changes

Oh, you noticed?  Yes, yes, I am in the middle of a little blog facelift.  I had the idea to change just a couple of things tonight and, of course, once I got started I just couldn't stop (i.e. couldn't even if I wanted to due to complete computer incompetency and taking hours to shrink a photo I didn't end up using, but whatever).

It is still in progress.

For now, it is what it is.  Thanks for being understanding and non-judgemental while I finish.

Tonight, I closed the door on my old aparment. "Old apartment?" you ask.  "Didn't she move months ago?"
Well, yes.  But tonight I went back to pick up a couple of things and clean the fridge.  Alone in the cavernous space was all fine and well, but once it was time to really shut the door, I felt a sense of...completion.  There are most definitely seasons to life and that was made very clear to me as I left the building with my husband and was going to our home.  What a feeling.  I can be pretty sentimental, you know.  And usually the closing of chapters really gets me, but not this time.  This time all I knew was that was then and this is now. All I can see is forward, this new path that I am on and completely ready for.  It proved to me that I am farther along than I thought I was in this whole "getting-married-and-starting-a-life-together" thing.

Bring it on.