Uh-oh...here we go...another attack of the panic.
Sometimes, I really do just get too caught up in the details. I mean, why wouldn't I when I spend an entire chunk of my day trying to cross things off my list and feeling failure when I can't? Or go from cake toppers to, well, cake to makeup to flowers to decorations, all in a matter of hours? And can't seem to answer regular, run-of-the-mill questions anymore because my decision making ability has been compromised?
I need to not make myself feel guilt that I have no idea what the perfect cake topper would be or if I skip the gym or if I can only cross a couple of things off my list today.
I am trying.
And Kenny loves me anyway.
I just snuck away to take another peak at his ring that lives in my sock drawer. I have been meaning to for awhile now (even just to check that it was still there) and thought that, feeling overwhelmed, now was the perfect time.
First, it was still there. Phew.
Second, I really just can't wait to put that on his finger and be standing up in front of everyone to do it.
And that's why we're doing this. At the end of it all, Kenny will be my husband and I will be his wife and most other things will remain the same (except a certain collection of old t-shirts that will "disappear", of course) and that's what we want. Just to be happy. Together.
So I just need a mental break sometimes. And not only that, but the written permission to do so and not have my very existence wrapped up in this wedding. I cannot keep having a daily Crisis of Natalie due to this wedding. Having it be ONE OF the most important times in my life and not letting it be THE most important thing in my life is a very thin line.
And I was never very good at balancing on those.
July 26, 2010
July 23, 2010
Hams
As sure as Kenny is sitting next to me strumming his guitar, we took our engagement pictures today.
You could never meet a more prepared duo for such an event. Showered, shampooed and shined, fed, on time, and properly outfitted. That, of course, took a long time to decide. I have not been professionally photographed since my senior pictures and I sure hope I have come a long way since then.
"What could I possibly have in my closet that I feel comfortable & pretty in/want to immortalize in engagement pictures for ever and ever?"
Well, who knows if I got anywhere close to the immortalizing part, but comfortable and pretty were accomplished. Kenny looked dead sexy in his new shirts and even got a haircut- his first haircut in two years from a professional. It looks sweet. I took notes. :)
Hanging out with Laura and her husband Dave was great. They are both so chill that there was absolutely no stress. Alki was the perfect location, filled with sunshine and little kids wanting to play right where we were taking pictures rather than anywhere else on the beach. Go figure. But for the most part, Laura found perfect spots for us and we only got a few whistles for some kissing photos (gotta have 'em).
We looked good, felt good, and have no idea what to expect from the 250 photos taken. I feel like my hair had a great amount of potential to be ALL over the place.
I just know that I got a milkshake out of the deal- just wait for the pictures- and it was a fun experience. Hopefully I will get them online by next week for all to see.
Absolutely insane to think we have less than a month left.
Better get on board 'cause this train is on the fast track to Nuptialville.
(Oh- you don't know where that is? It's right past Panic Town and just before Surreal City. You can't miss it).
You could never meet a more prepared duo for such an event. Showered, shampooed and shined, fed, on time, and properly outfitted. That, of course, took a long time to decide. I have not been professionally photographed since my senior pictures and I sure hope I have come a long way since then.
"What could I possibly have in my closet that I feel comfortable & pretty in/want to immortalize in engagement pictures for ever and ever?"
Well, who knows if I got anywhere close to the immortalizing part, but comfortable and pretty were accomplished. Kenny looked dead sexy in his new shirts and even got a haircut- his first haircut in two years from a professional. It looks sweet. I took notes. :)
Hanging out with Laura and her husband Dave was great. They are both so chill that there was absolutely no stress. Alki was the perfect location, filled with sunshine and little kids wanting to play right where we were taking pictures rather than anywhere else on the beach. Go figure. But for the most part, Laura found perfect spots for us and we only got a few whistles for some kissing photos (gotta have 'em).
We looked good, felt good, and have no idea what to expect from the 250 photos taken. I feel like my hair had a great amount of potential to be ALL over the place.
I just know that I got a milkshake out of the deal- just wait for the pictures- and it was a fun experience. Hopefully I will get them online by next week for all to see.
Absolutely insane to think we have less than a month left.
Better get on board 'cause this train is on the fast track to Nuptialville.
(Oh- you don't know where that is? It's right past Panic Town and just before Surreal City. You can't miss it).
July 22, 2010
This time next month...
Now we enter the true, honest to goodness countdown. As I sit at the Green Bean, having spent time with friends and talking with almost every customer today at work about the upcoming occasion, I look out toward...everything that must get done in a month.
A. Month.
That is not long. Considering we began this process with ten whole months to get things accomplished, one month is nothing. All of you loyal readers out there should know that Kenny has acted as the best fiance I can imagine: patiently listening to my reoccurring rants over the pressure, responding to my constant texts throughout the day with random wedding thoughts, and picking flowers for the kitchen table just because.
Champion.
At this exact time in one month, our wedding will be beginning. I will either already be crying or trying not to throw up. My heart will be pounding (like it is right now as I think about it), everything will be done (I hope), and the only thing left to do will be to day "I do."
:)
I. can. Do. that.
A. Month.
That is not long. Considering we began this process with ten whole months to get things accomplished, one month is nothing. All of you loyal readers out there should know that Kenny has acted as the best fiance I can imagine: patiently listening to my reoccurring rants over the pressure, responding to my constant texts throughout the day with random wedding thoughts, and picking flowers for the kitchen table just because.
Champion.
At this exact time in one month, our wedding will be beginning. I will either already be crying or trying not to throw up. My heart will be pounding (like it is right now as I think about it), everything will be done (I hope), and the only thing left to do will be to day "I do."
:)
I. can. Do. that.
July 21, 2010
Fear
I will confess that right at this moment, I am sitting on the couch in fear of a spider. I was going on a cleaning spree, putting clothes away in my room and minding my own business when HELLO- spider just chillin' on my jeans on my bed. AWFUL. Truly and ridiculously awful. Oh my word. Freak Outville. And after calling Kenny, as if he could help me from Kirkland, I sat and dawdled around Facebook for awhile, hoping to gather enough courage to go do something about it. Finally, I grabbed the vaccuum and decide to just suck it up, which I could do from afar thanks to those handy extensions.
Bet you can't guess what happened.
He was gone. I stare at the remaining pile of clothes and just think, "he could be anywhere." Horrifying. It makes it hard to breathe. Now I stare down the hall at the abandoned vaccuum and the bedroom where he still must be and feel defeated. I've also watched neighbors leave their houses and have been tempted to ask them for help. I mean, come on- the people across the street leave their shoes OUTSIDE. They MUST be fine dealing with spiders, right?
I know this is stupid. And I know it's irrational. I am well aware that I am bigger/they're just as scared of me/they can't hurt me/yaddayaddayadda. But I also know that as I near them, I get hot, can't breathe, the walls close in, and I want to cry.
Now there's a spider loose in my room. Perfect. Just what I wanted. This is definitely worst case scenario. For me. The spider picked the right house in which to live.
*shudder*
Bet you can't guess what happened.
He was gone. I stare at the remaining pile of clothes and just think, "he could be anywhere." Horrifying. It makes it hard to breathe. Now I stare down the hall at the abandoned vaccuum and the bedroom where he still must be and feel defeated. I've also watched neighbors leave their houses and have been tempted to ask them for help. I mean, come on- the people across the street leave their shoes OUTSIDE. They MUST be fine dealing with spiders, right?
I know this is stupid. And I know it's irrational. I am well aware that I am bigger/they're just as scared of me/they can't hurt me/yaddayaddayadda. But I also know that as I near them, I get hot, can't breathe, the walls close in, and I want to cry.
Now there's a spider loose in my room. Perfect. Just what I wanted. This is definitely worst case scenario. For me. The spider picked the right house in which to live.
*shudder*
July 17, 2010
Wedding Myths Exposed
I was driving home from work this afternoon, gradually decreasing my speed from 40mph to 30mph while glancing over at the ridiculous amount of lily pads at Greenlake whilst also pondering the runners.
When I see them, I remember the good ol' days. I used to run, you know. For a good couple of months there (longer than any stretch of running I have ever accomplished), I was diligently running Greenlake and beyond, almost to the point of actually claiming to be A Runner.
However, my natural disillusionment with running caught up with me and my zeal ran itself right off a cliff. I just stopped. And joined a gym instead (please refer to past posts for embarrassing "Physical Assessment" story) with the hopes of completely revamping my body.
Thus the inspiration for this post. I thought about how I am certainly not the only bride to decide her current body is suddenly nowhere near where it should be and it is high time to reach perfect physical condition before fitting into the perfect dress/honeymoon bikini. Enter Unattainable Diet and Exercise Plan. Such goals, such visions, such impracticality.
Sure- now that you have more on your plate then ever before and can hardly stomach the thought of grocery shopping over invitation-making, you're more likely to maintain a complete makeover to your eating and exercise habits.
Right.
Let's blow the lid right off that thought, shall we?
And it's okay if we fall off the wagon, ladies. We are only human. Flawed, busy brides who cannot lose sleep and self esteem over skipping the gym in order to actually spend time with that future husband. We can only do what we can do, friends, and being healthy is such a nice thought. But I am just hoping to feel beautiful regardless of what they say "perfection" is. I just wanted to throw that out there.
Basically what I am learning is self-acceptance. A never-ending lesson, to be sure, but magnified during this wedding planning process (as are my thighs, but whatever). :)
Please stay tuned for more incredibly shocking and fervently accurate reports on Wedding Myths Exposed.
'Til next time.
When I see them, I remember the good ol' days. I used to run, you know. For a good couple of months there (longer than any stretch of running I have ever accomplished), I was diligently running Greenlake and beyond, almost to the point of actually claiming to be A Runner.
However, my natural disillusionment with running caught up with me and my zeal ran itself right off a cliff. I just stopped. And joined a gym instead (please refer to past posts for embarrassing "Physical Assessment" story) with the hopes of completely revamping my body.
Thus the inspiration for this post. I thought about how I am certainly not the only bride to decide her current body is suddenly nowhere near where it should be and it is high time to reach perfect physical condition before fitting into the perfect dress/honeymoon bikini. Enter Unattainable Diet and Exercise Plan. Such goals, such visions, such impracticality.
Sure- now that you have more on your plate then ever before and can hardly stomach the thought of grocery shopping over invitation-making, you're more likely to maintain a complete makeover to your eating and exercise habits.
Right.
Let's blow the lid right off that thought, shall we?
And it's okay if we fall off the wagon, ladies. We are only human. Flawed, busy brides who cannot lose sleep and self esteem over skipping the gym in order to actually spend time with that future husband. We can only do what we can do, friends, and being healthy is such a nice thought. But I am just hoping to feel beautiful regardless of what they say "perfection" is. I just wanted to throw that out there.
Basically what I am learning is self-acceptance. A never-ending lesson, to be sure, but magnified during this wedding planning process (as are my thighs, but whatever). :)
Please stay tuned for more incredibly shocking and fervently accurate reports on Wedding Myths Exposed.
'Til next time.
July 9, 2010
Here
The dress is in.
I got "the call" yesterday afternoon, which was both unexpected and perfect timing since my beloved Amber and Emma were already coming out to visit and I thought my madre would be free to join us. She was.
I will admit, is was really fun to try it on. I didn't think that it would be anything special (probably because the last time I was in dresses, none of them were mine), but it felt really good to put it on and have it my MY dress. Suddenly I was making decisions and picking shoes and having opinions on things. Before, during the trying-on stage, everything was so hypothetical that I felt pretty removed from what we were talking about. Now, the dress was on, it was mine, the veil was on, it was mine, and the rest of the details seemed to just flow.
Yay.
Now, you know me (at least I hope you do...if you don't, thanks for reading this random person's blog) and how frugal I can be. Alright, a downright tightwad. And that's fine by me. However, let's now call me a Naive tightwad.
Throughout this Planning A Wedding experience, the cost factor has taken some getting used to. But we have found a deal on everything (and I mean everything- have yet to pay full price for any big item) and considered decisions to death, thereby comforting ourselves that the money is being well spent.
But I went into getting the dress totally unprepared. First of all, I didn't actually get the dress. It has yet to be bustled and steamed, both of which cost extra money (I thought dresses came with bustles and steaming was part of the cost of the dress- pishaw). Then, I thought I was escaping the usual necessities- alterations, hemming, slips, bras, etc. AND I had an in-store credit to cover the shoes I wanted.
HA.
I needed all of the above, except for the alterations/hemming due to paying a bit more for a higher heel.
I could have laughed at myself. Silly Natalie.
Of course.
I shall just take solace in the fact that everything will be the right length/in the right place on the big day so I won't have to worry about it. Can I say the same about other details in limbo right now? No. But that's okay. :)
I got "the call" yesterday afternoon, which was both unexpected and perfect timing since my beloved Amber and Emma were already coming out to visit and I thought my madre would be free to join us. She was.
I will admit, is was really fun to try it on. I didn't think that it would be anything special (probably because the last time I was in dresses, none of them were mine), but it felt really good to put it on and have it my MY dress. Suddenly I was making decisions and picking shoes and having opinions on things. Before, during the trying-on stage, everything was so hypothetical that I felt pretty removed from what we were talking about. Now, the dress was on, it was mine, the veil was on, it was mine, and the rest of the details seemed to just flow.
Yay.
Now, you know me (at least I hope you do...if you don't, thanks for reading this random person's blog) and how frugal I can be. Alright, a downright tightwad. And that's fine by me. However, let's now call me a Naive tightwad.
Throughout this Planning A Wedding experience, the cost factor has taken some getting used to. But we have found a deal on everything (and I mean everything- have yet to pay full price for any big item) and considered decisions to death, thereby comforting ourselves that the money is being well spent.
But I went into getting the dress totally unprepared. First of all, I didn't actually get the dress. It has yet to be bustled and steamed, both of which cost extra money (I thought dresses came with bustles and steaming was part of the cost of the dress- pishaw). Then, I thought I was escaping the usual necessities- alterations, hemming, slips, bras, etc. AND I had an in-store credit to cover the shoes I wanted.
HA.
I needed all of the above, except for the alterations/hemming due to paying a bit more for a higher heel.
I could have laughed at myself. Silly Natalie.
Of course.
I shall just take solace in the fact that everything will be the right length/in the right place on the big day so I won't have to worry about it. Can I say the same about other details in limbo right now? No. But that's okay. :)
July 6, 2010
Overload
The Great Couch Hunt 2010 has begun for the soon-to-be-Soldanos. And boy, has it been fun.
First of all, I have now become officially addicted to Craigslist. I am on it for hours.
Secondly, why does anyone own wicker furniture in the first place?
And thirdly, please join me in praying for the perfect couch and loveseat for us to buy. I'm hoping that I will know it when I see it, but I'm not so sure anymore. :)
Let's just say that we had a perfectly good deal on our hands yesterday, and even had money/cleaned out truck ready, and I froze. I can't even, right now, tell you why we passed them up. I was just complerely indecisive. We even left to talk it over at Taco Time (for about an hour, mind you) and all I remember is yelling "I DON'T KNOW" at the top of my lungs, only to sink back in the passenger seat and become catatonic as we drove away from Kenmore.
Don't ask me what happened. The theory goes that since I have had so much on my mental plate (a.k.a. The Neverending To-Do List) that my brain was overwhelmed at the sight of one more decision. I just couldn't do it.
So. Enter my complete obsession with couh hunting on Craigslist. There are some choice couches out there, but which one is the right one?
No idea.
It would be nice to get some more furniture in here besides the two Ma & Pa recliners, so that has been a motivating factor.
That, and redemption for the yelling and the sulking over the first couch experience.
Yeah, that.
First of all, I have now become officially addicted to Craigslist. I am on it for hours.
Secondly, why does anyone own wicker furniture in the first place?
And thirdly, please join me in praying for the perfect couch and loveseat for us to buy. I'm hoping that I will know it when I see it, but I'm not so sure anymore. :)
Let's just say that we had a perfectly good deal on our hands yesterday, and even had money/cleaned out truck ready, and I froze. I can't even, right now, tell you why we passed them up. I was just complerely indecisive. We even left to talk it over at Taco Time (for about an hour, mind you) and all I remember is yelling "I DON'T KNOW" at the top of my lungs, only to sink back in the passenger seat and become catatonic as we drove away from Kenmore.
Don't ask me what happened. The theory goes that since I have had so much on my mental plate (a.k.a. The Neverending To-Do List) that my brain was overwhelmed at the sight of one more decision. I just couldn't do it.
So. Enter my complete obsession with couh hunting on Craigslist. There are some choice couches out there, but which one is the right one?
No idea.
It would be nice to get some more furniture in here besides the two Ma & Pa recliners, so that has been a motivating factor.
That, and redemption for the yelling and the sulking over the first couch experience.
Yeah, that.
July 5, 2010
Not too shabby...
The truth is, I could get used to this. The house is starting to shape up, we are on the hunt for some furniture (if you know of a couch or loveseat that is practically brand new for a reasonable price, let us know), and some of our lilies are currently in a vase on the kitchen table. Love it.
It's quiet, warm, and ours. And it feels like home. Praise God, is all I have to say.
In other news, I am FREE- I just switched my work schedule and now have two whole days off in a ROW! This news was followed by disbelief, confirmation, then dancing. How do I know that Kenny is "the one?" At this announcement, he also began leaping and jumping and skipping around the house with me until I was satisfied.
He's a keeper.
I shall now spend the day filled with optimism, energy, and spontaneous clapping when I remember that I DON'T WORK TOMORROW.
I can't post anymore now. Too excited.
To be continued tomorrow ('cause I have the day off). I have some thoughts about "cleaving".
It's quiet, warm, and ours. And it feels like home. Praise God, is all I have to say.
In other news, I am FREE- I just switched my work schedule and now have two whole days off in a ROW! This news was followed by disbelief, confirmation, then dancing. How do I know that Kenny is "the one?" At this announcement, he also began leaping and jumping and skipping around the house with me until I was satisfied.
He's a keeper.
I shall now spend the day filled with optimism, energy, and spontaneous clapping when I remember that I DON'T WORK TOMORROW.
I can't post anymore now. Too excited.
To be continued tomorrow ('cause I have the day off). I have some thoughts about "cleaving".
July 1, 2010
12:19am
I would like to point out that it is well past my bedtime and I am still online. Why? We got INTERNET installed tonight! Of course, there's a story behind it, but I couldn't resist lying in bed and blogging. That's right- we have wireless. Oh my word, it is glorious. After years of the archaic ethernet, we have advanced into this century and can now access the internet from anywhere in the house.
It's a beautiful thing.
Had to take advantage.
It's a beautiful thing.
Had to take advantage.
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)