Bring it.

 After ups and downs, decorating and baking, pictures and lights, discussions and resolution, we are ready for Christmas.
The presents are wrapped (pretty much), the schedule is made, and we have plenty of time built in for ourselves (by design, of course).  I think this is the first year where, approaching Christmas Eve and Day, I feel relaxed and prepared. 

WHAT?  "Hi, I'm  (reader's name here). And you are.....?"



Yes, making said plan took some cajoling, if you will, but come on- how do you compromise on Christmas?  Whose traditions win out? How do you "share" the day with family, ALL family ('cause choosing sucks, darn it), yet have treasured and memorable two-of-you-time?

Well, we think we've done it.  Thank you, Lord.

Now I just have to keep reminding myself how blessed I am, that we have so much family to see, and that it is our first Christmas as husband and wife.  Pretty special. Thus we are making crepes on Christmas morning.

I mean, what else?

Merry Christmas!!!!  <3





Christmas #1
...or 6

 

Thankful.

Oh yes, I know that Thanksgiving is over, but I can't help but ooze gratefulness right now.  Minus the turkey.

As I sit in our warm, decorated living room, staring at our first Soldano Family Christmas Tree, I have a husband outside putting Christmas lights on the house (trust me- he doesn't need my help). I am playing carols on Pandora and will soon top this evening off with some hot chocolate.

I know, right?

It was just one of those days.  I spent good time with good people, actually went to the gym, did something productive for the household (grocery shopping), consumed a delicious and healthy dinner, and it's still early. I look at Kenny and see the season ahead of us and feel all warm and cheery.
(You are free to either close me out or vomit at any time, but I feel it is my responsibility as a blogger to share where I'm at. You don't read me to get up to date on the weather.)

The best part? Immersing myself in a holiday that glorifies the birth of my savior, sent to die for me and be my hope and peace.  May sound like a greeting card, but it's true, folks.  So not only do I get to enjoy the usual festivities of lights, nog, presents, and carols, but also glorify God and extend the last holiday's thankfulness by a whole 'nother month!  When I hear songs about angels singing glory to the newborn King, joy to the world the Lord is come, and even "pa-rum-pum-pum-pum" of a drummer boy who had nothing else to give but a little song, the delight that courses through me is almost unhealthy, I'm sure.
What else are we celebrating, friends? What's so great about December 25th if not Christ's birth? Otherwise, we're just a bunch of fools putting trees in our houses, hanging socks from our mantles, and sitting on old men's laps who claim to be "Santa."
Fun things to do, yes, but kinda silly if for no reason.

Praise God for his incredible grace, his unceasing love, and his son.
Now THAT is a reason to shout to the heavens, "MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!!!"

First step is...

...admitting you have a problem.
Hello.  I am Natalie Soldano and I am addicted to Christmas decorations.
When I am surrounded by glitter, sparkly lights, garland...my heart swells, I become short of breath, and imagine all of the possibilities.
Then I buy.  There's no stopping it.

I'm so ashamed.

And you know it's bad when you're thankful for the solace a random, middle-aged woman gives you in the Christmas section at Target when she says, gesturing at her festive cart, "None of this was on my list....I came for TP."
Me, too, random lady.
Me, too.

The justification of it all.  When I see something lovely that belongs in my house (belongs? really? see? it all goes downhill from there), I tell myself that it is not just for ME, but for the HOUSE in which Kenny and I both dwell. It's really for the greater good of our home.
Duh.
Now, I will say this for myself: I run with the bulls at the local Dollar Tree, only "splurging" on a wreath at Target. I just wanted to clarify that I'm not running wild through Crate & Barrel, spending our savings on several of these:


Metallic Leaf Spray
$19.95

People would have to be pretty serious about their leaf spray to spend $20 a pop on spray painted foliage, of which you would need from 3-5 to use in any sufficient decorating capacity. A lone leaf spray would just not do.   
Luckily for our rent budget, we are almost done.  Just need lights on the house and a decorated tree.  Then I am left with crafting only (need to make a tree skirt and a table runner) which will run a significantly smaller bill than going out and getting them, I feel. 
Oh, who am I kidding. I still want the perfect centerpiece, doormat, wall hangings, candles...

Hostess, I am

Today was the start of our book club and I couldn't be more pleased.  It was everything I hoped it would be.
For starters, I was inspired by my mother to make a french toast casserole that was so easy and ended up being all sorts of delicious. 
In addition, I had fresh fruit with homemade whipped cream, hot out-of-the-oven croissants (the Pillsbury kind- don't give me that much credit) with butter and jam, and an assortment of beverages.  And the best part? I had all I needed to ARRANGE the spread.  The right dishes, silverware, accoutrements, right down to the syrup container and creamer pitcher...and it felt good.
Just take a gander.

Inaugural Book Brunch of tastiness

I even busted out my new table runner for the occassion.  Fancy-shmancy.
Goodness was enjoyed by all (at least I think) and I was overjoyed.  It was really fun to plan and make.

"Why now?" you ask? "Since when were you such a homemaker?"
Well, I'll be downright honest with ya- it's because I can.  Before, when attempting a meal shared by others, I was frozen with fear and scrambling for the basic essentials (i.e. things to put the food IN) and now I'm not.  And it's lovely. It is my kitchen, with everything I need, and I can make it look nice with our things.
Simple luxury, but totally true.  Nothing has ever been solely mine to use, whether it was space or servingware, and our kitchen and house have come together to make a wonderful space to entertain (I know, I know- too far).
All in all, it was a nice morning with great friends, discussion, and food. Looking forward to this happening monthly. A blessing, indeed.

Umm...and you know that when I say words like "mine" or "my," I'm automatically including Kenny as a mutual owner of everything culinary as opposed to roomates of old, right?  Okay, good. You get it.

THANK. YOU.

"Nothing is so fatiguing as the eternal hanging on of an uncompleted task." ~William James

At this point, I am considering myself insane.  Why? Because of the torture I have been putting myself through since getting back from the honeymoon.  One that gives me nightmares and lives in the back of my mind at all times, creeping up into other thoughts and shattering moments of peace with a scream that doesn't hold back.  A traditionally brutal practice, familiar to brides/new moms/graduates everywhere.

The Thank You note.

No, friends, they have not gone out yet.  I know that etiquette is on my side on this one, claiming that I have a year to get them out.  But just like every other wedding detail being tackled by brides everywhere, that timeline is null and void.  This is 2010, people.  A time where the pressure is great (hello, wedding blogs), the competition is fierce, and everyone is freaking getting married.  No one "takes their time" with anything anymore.  It's get it done done done. (Hey- you know when you type/write/say a word a lot and it starts to look or sound funny? That just happened with "done." So strange.) Does no one procrastinate anymore?



Running to check Facebook.

I used to be in good company.  During the days of homework, I surrounded myself with people who also put papers off 'til the last minute.  People who also found it crucial to watch "just one more" episode of Friends, make another cup of tea, or chat. I always admired those who tackled their work with vigor, completing their work in a timely manner with diligence and focus. But they were the MINORITY. Comfortable with this way of life, I entered into The Bride Zone.  Suddenly, there was no time to waste.
"Have you done this yet?"
"You check this off your list?"
"Are you completely finished planning your wedding, everything paid, all DIY with six months to spare?"

No.

Now, I made it through relatively unscathed. With head held high, details came together and people showed up in order to have a pretty awesome wedding.
Now, I just have to thank them.
Sigh.
Don't get me wrong- I'm not sighing because I must express my gratitude to all involved and the loving, wonderful people who blessed us with gifts and help. I've been wanting to do that since before the wedding. It's just the project I've made it into (please refer to my prior post about projects).
Armed with paper, papercutter, glue, envelopes, fancy pen, and pictures to include (finally), all I have left to do is put it all together and write personal, heartfelt messages in each and every one.
"Have you written your Thank Yous yet?"
No.
But I will.
By August.
;)

"The best way to get something done is to begin." ~Author unknown

White walls

Here I sit, on a leisurely Saturday morning with a fresh cup of coffee and surrounded by things to hang on the walls.  Doesn't this sound lovely?

HELP, friends.  I. Am. Paralyzed.

If I have an Achilles heel, it's projects.  I have the best of intentions always, yet the worst execution of anyone I know.  The ideas! The possibilities! The wall space!  I was a DIY bride (to a fault, my friends would say), so why can't I be a DIY wife?  Are the ideas just dormant and will suddenly awaken me in the middle of the night, or will I be staring at blank walls until we move again?
Okay, so that's a bit dramatic. But at this point, I don't have much confidence in myself.  Checking things off of my wedding list was one thing (We need centerpieces? What the most cost-effective and hopefully pretty way we can do that? Done.), but decorating is a completely different project.  It is both unfortunate and a blessing to have such creative and ambitious friends- can I just ask them?  No.
So I need your help.  I need a deadline, I need motivation, I need resources. Now is not the time to be silent, dear reader(s).
And I will dedicate a wall to you.  :)

Words of others.

"Have courage for the great sorrows of life and patience for the small ones; and when you have laboriously accomplished your daily task, go to sleep in peace. 

God is awake."

Victor Hugo

"God brings no woman into the conflicts of life to desert her.  Every woman has a Friend in Heaven whose resources are unlimited; and on Him she may call at any hour and find sympathy and assistance."

Bob Sorge

"The uncommon woman understands her capacity for pettiness, selfishness, and a sinful bent that leads her away from the Almighty.  But her thoughts don't dwell there. No, despite what she knows about herself, she entrusts herself fully to the One who will shape her into a thing of magnificence."

Susie Larson

This last quote is straight from the author of a great study I am starting called "The Uncommon Woman."  I am a total skeptic when it comes to studies for women, I will admit.  Too many times have I gone in optimistic, only to be pelted with flowery language and mushy, delicate euphamisms for God (sorry, but we all know it's true).  Sure, there is some of that here, too, but she manages to nail female characteristics that harm and hinder to a tee and points us to the Bible.  Apparently, it's striking a strong chord because this is exactly where I am at- doubting, frustrated, lonely, seemingly worthless in my faith and unable to fix it myself. I wasn't totally aware of this until I began reading, all innocent-like, and found myself thinking, "Um, TOTALLY" with every paragraph.  God is so good, especially when He knows exactly what you need and when you need it.

Thanks, God.

Keep up with me

Again, thank you for the grace you have extended during this time of remodel. Hey, my husband has his remodel "sites" and I have mine.
A few thoughts for today:

I have always had this thought/fear that I would die by car accident.  As I drive I imagine what it would be like or see people make risky decisions and think, "it could have happened then." I never feel more vulnerable to my time being up than when I drive.  Hopefully this is not the case, of course. I know this is a sad thought (sorry, Mom) and that, no matter what, the Lord will take me however He sees fit and I am not afraid of that, but I was just thinking about it today and wanted to get home safe. And I did.


Today is my Friday.  And I was prepared to take full advantage.  I had a snack, started some laundry, did some emailing, and randomly turned on Oprah.  There I am, typing away while she is chatting in the background, and suddenly....the BACKSTREET BOYS were on.  All my frozen self could think as each of their sweet faces graced the screen was, "this was meant to be." Mind you, I haven't seen them in a LONG TIME.  Back in my boy band hayday, I was quite the follower.  Okay, I was obsessed.  I would have put any girls claiming to be their #1 fan to shame (including the girl Oprah featured, whose posters I already had and whose dance moves to "Everybody" needed some work) and have damaged many-an-innocent-bystanders eardrums with my screaming if The Boys were mentioned, let alone came on the radio.  Imagine my delight when they weren't just featured, but they performed.  Now, I held on to my composure up until that point.  But something about sitting in front of my television, watching them sing just as I have done so many times before, made me swoon just like I was a teenager. Chills, friends. Chills.

Finally, I am going back to the gym.  No longer would my thighs accept the excuse of, "but the account is frozen." Turns out that when I looked into it, "unfreezing" my account took about 30 seconds.  This period of letting myself go is going to come to an end and I am ready to huff, puff, and sweat. At least that's how I feel today- we'll see what tune I'm singing when I'm supposed to be there by 8am tomorrow morning.

The End.

Ch-ch-ch-changes

Oh, you noticed?  Yes, yes, I am in the middle of a little blog facelift.  I had the idea to change just a couple of things tonight and, of course, once I got started I just couldn't stop (i.e. couldn't even if I wanted to due to complete computer incompetency and taking hours to shrink a photo I didn't end up using, but whatever).

It is still in progress.

For now, it is what it is.  Thanks for being understanding and non-judgemental while I finish.

Tonight, I closed the door on my old aparment. "Old apartment?" you ask.  "Didn't she move months ago?"
Well, yes.  But tonight I went back to pick up a couple of things and clean the fridge.  Alone in the cavernous space was all fine and well, but once it was time to really shut the door, I felt a sense of...completion.  There are most definitely seasons to life and that was made very clear to me as I left the building with my husband and was going to our home.  What a feeling.  I can be pretty sentimental, you know.  And usually the closing of chapters really gets me, but not this time.  This time all I knew was that was then and this is now. All I can see is forward, this new path that I am on and completely ready for.  It proved to me that I am farther along than I thought I was in this whole "getting-married-and-starting-a-life-together" thing.

Bring it on.

Falling slowly...

Autumn is in full force, friends, and I couldn't be happier.  Kenny probably didn't know he married a homebody, but I am thoroughly enjoying being in our warm home, lighting candles, and drinking hot chocolate. Oh- and I am taking up baking. Suddenly, since using my Kitchenaid a few times for banana bread and cookies, all I want to do is find fun recipes and bake.  If you need something, I will bake it for you.

I know. I. Know.

Have not come far on the cooking front, however, and don't see that changing anytime soon. I begrudgingly made stew the other night and meatloaf the night before and I plan on riding the credit for those out for at least another week.  I'm great at "making dinner," a.k.a. reheating and making the table look pretty.

On another note, I am now 27 years old.  I would like to stress that normally I would not point out my age in a post, but this one deserves some attention because it has grabbed mine.  Suddenly, I woke up and was 27, I swear.  Now I know this isn't true, but all I remember is turning 21, going to the Irish Emmigrant on the Ave and, once home, having a long talk with my sober roommate about how I really appreciated  this neighbor of mine named Kenny Soldano, but still would not admit how much I liked him.  :)
And then I must have been sleeping through any more aging until BAM- I am 27.  It just hit me.  There's nothing wrong with it, of course, and I plan on keepin' on just like I have, but it's definitely "no excuses" time.
I'm pushing 30, friends.

For Now

Here's my theory- posting a couple of photos forces me to smash through the proverbial "picture posting block" that I have been experiencing for over a month now and gradually introduces me to the valuable skills of discernment and selectiveness. Plus, it's a fun little taste.  :)

Just us.











One of the best moments that day- and meaninful photos

 

A Larson Lost

You know, this period of settling in has been great.  At first, boxes were everywhere, his stuff was meshing with mine (i.e. we were giving a lot of his away...), and we were facing loads of potential in this little house we call home.  And I have enjoyed setting stuff up and seeing it come together, little by little.
But considering for most of my adult life I have only had to worry about decorating a little room with pictures of my friends and maybe contributing a couple of candles to the common living space shared with roommates, this is a big leap.
Martha must be out of town 'cause I've been trying to channel her for weeks.
The trouble is patience.  That, my friends, is not a revelation.  I am just so darn IMPATIENT. I want it all DONE.  YESTERDAY.  Once I buy something, I want it outoftheboxandputinitsspotrightthen.
But our little place has been coming along quite nicely.  It actually feels like home.

On another note, I have officially changed my name.  No longer a Larson, I am legally a Soldano.  After sitting at the DOL long enough to panic, thinking "Gosh darnit,Natalie- why didn't you take any time to consider Larson-Soldano, for crying out loud," it was done and it was right.
I don't think that fact has quite settled in me yet.  I don't feel or look any different.  I haven't really had time to think about how I am now a part of Kenny more than ever, that our children will never be Larsons, and that the Natalie Anne Larson Of Old was once a toe-headed girl who loved purple and jungle green, collected Polly Pockets, and wore stirrup pants.
...and that girl is no more (well hallelujah- why wouldn't you want to leave that uncool girl behind, you ask?).  ;)  Now I am Natalie Anne Soldano, part of a new family and filling the new role of wife.  I haven't had to introduce myself yet or sign a receipt, so those will probably be the kickers.
And let's be real- this Soldano will always be a Larson. :)

Reviews

The wedding is over? Oddly, yes.
You have debriefed and put everything wedding related into a box for the shed? Yup.
Things are relatively settled and normal life has begun? Mm-hmm.

Vendors want you to fill out client evaluations about your experience?  Well, oka-ay, Sounds Unlimited.
Watch out, DJ Russ- you have no idea what's coming to you. You think it's been over a month and you haven't heard from Bride Soldano, so you sit back and let out that breath you've been holding since you  crossed your fingers and went into the Soldano/Larson wedding unprepared and only armed with a tux and minimal charm.  "She must have either forgotten or loved me," you think to yourself as you mix a poor track of "SexyBack" and "At Last."

Neither, my friend. I am sorry to break it to you, but I am no fool.  I would never waste this opportunity to formally declare how disappointed I was.  And the month that has passed has had quite the opposite affect on me- the memory has not faded, as you would assume. Instead, it has become GLARINGLY CLEAR that YOU were the ONE obvious stain on the day, and that was known as soon as the gal in the big white dress had to look up at you on your stage and yell "CUT IT", complete with hand motion, when you tried to play "Friends in Low Places" or whatever it's called (sorry Garth Fans, but I have never liked country in my life).  You couldn't be bothered to even look at, let alone bring, the request sheet the couple toiled over for you?  Nice. You thought it was a shocking mistake that they didn't want "Love Shack" when the Maid of Honor had to break this to you at the reception when you were about to play it (thank you, Jennifer!) since you didn't look at the "Do Not Play" list, either?  Awesome. SO GLAD technology worked in our favor and our electronic submissions of these requests made it into your hands.  Whether due to the company's neglect or yours, it does not matter.  You will hear about it, Russ.  And if you walk away remembering no other words from the evaluation, remember this one- "stressor."  It is as good as a scarlet "S" on your tux when YOU are the one to stress out the bride.  Big No No.  Don't they teach you that in DJ School?

Okay, so a total modification of this post was actually sent to the company- a little less ranting and raving and a bit more professional jargon that will hopefully catch the attention of the right person. If I save one bride from Russ, my work here is done. ;)  A word to the wise- if your DJ does not contact you until two days before the wedding- run.  If this is only due to your initiation and then you learn he has called the wrong person multiple times trying to get ahold of you- run away quickly. And if he makes any comments alluding to music you wouldn't have touch your wedding with a ten foot pole- get out and stock up your IPod, friend. It's worth it. 
On the other hand, everyone else got glowing reviews. 
(Ha- now that you've seen "scathing," imagine "glowing").  :)

Let them eat SOUP!

Having a particular aversion to the kitchen for about 27 years now, I have much experience in the art of frozen dinners and spaghetti. However, I now have a husband who eats enough for a table of four and a frozen Marie Calendar isn't going to cut it.  Using a beginner swimmer analogy, I have decided to "get my feet wet" by "wading in" with soup.  That's right- I am very excited about making soup. We were given our entire set of pots and pans, thus I am very excited to find use of the 15 gallon pot. Okay, maybe it's not that big, but it's BIG.
Soup.  Of course. Autumn is here (my favorite), soup is cozy, you get to eat bread with it (my favorite), and what can go wrong when you throw it all in and let it simmer?  SO that's my big plan.  We "dove in" with chili, moved on to baked potato soup, and then made minestrone. Not too shabby.  So far, so goooood.

A few other observations I would like to share in regards to now living with a boy.
*I stare amazed every time I actually watch a shirt go from its hanger in the closet to his body and miraculously end up with dirt on it.  This, of course, is followed by a conversation that goes something like this:
Natalie, staring: " How did that get there?", pointing at lines of dirt now decorating his chest.
Kenny, staring: "What?"
Natalie, emphatically pointing.
Kenny, staring: "Oh. Huh. Dunno." as he walks away.
How does it not bother him?
*Spending an evening eating leftover soup and watching the Discovery Channel, "Hallelujah Broadway" on Ch. 12, or any number of VHS movies we haven't seen in awhile is fabulous. "Poor Time" is going well so far.
*Our definitions of things are different, such as "clean," "empty," "finished," "relax" and "garbage." But the best one is "enough."  What I need to have "enough" food is definitely Kenny just getting started.  But I've known that for six years.
*I have married someone who will pick me up from work, help me close the shop, help make dinner, help cleanup, and massage my feet all, in one evening. I got me a CATCH!

Overall, the transition has been lovely. As weird as it had every right to be, it's been great and completely non-weird. I appreciate having lived out what God promised- to bless a union sanctioned by Him and enjoy what He is so happy to pour out. 
OH- and we got WEDDING PHOTOS that are gorgeous and help me remember the beauty of the day instead of the stress!  If I could recommend anything, it would be GET A GOOD PHOTOGRAPHER.  You've probably heard that already, but it's totally worth it.  I am so thankful to have quality images that bring back the fun and love.  Yay!
More on that later.

Home again, Home again, Jiggity Jig.

Hey everyone! I'd like to start off by saying that I actually began this entry over a week ago when we first got back from the honeymoon, but found myself launched into a crazy house and the real world before I could press "Publish Post". But let's press on.

To those faithfull readers out there who still think to themselves as they sit down to their desk/laptop, "Hm- I wonder what some of Natalie's thoughts are this morning," thank you. I am guessing that most folks assume that since the wedding is over, there will be no more blog.

I don't go down so easily.

First of all, the fact that the wedding has come and gone, as has the honeymoon, will take some adjustment.  Wait, I don't have to refer to my Wedding Day Master List fifeen times today?  My mind isn't swirling with cake then woodchips then food then seating then music, wash/rinse/repeat?  It is a nice feeling, but has taken some getting used to.  Having been swept away suddenly in a cherry red Camero and off to a tropical island with a new husband for two weeks was insane all by itself, let alone the fact that a WEDDING happened that needed debriefing.
I agree that there's no way to know what it feels like until you experience it.  As much as you prepare, make calls, pay people, give orders, it's gonna be ridiculously crazy on an emotional/physical/mental/spiritual level.
And trying to take it all in is like trying to catch water in your hands- some is going to slip through the cracks.  I firmly believe that as soon as cloning is allowed on people, the first thing they need to do it duplicate brides.  Thank you!
At this point, I am straddling the line between the wedding still fresh in my mind/sad it's over and remembering it fondly with chuckles and warm hearts. I do a little of both sometimes. :)

But for the most part, here are the Top Thoughts and Feelings:
* I am filled with gratitude toward everyone involved, everyone who came, all the love we felt.
* I felt pretty
* It was all very beautiful, I think (will have to wait for photos!)
* The ceremony was just as we imagined it and where we felt no stress, no anxiety, and knew that's exactly where we were supposed to be.  It was lovely. :)
* I am more in love with Kenny than ever.  If it's possible after six years, I feel more comfortable and happy with every day.  We can't get over the fact that at the end of the day, we're not...leaving... ha!
* And finally- we did it.  We're married! By golly, FINALLY! 

PLENTY more ruminating to come. And I would love to include a pic or two, but can't seem to save them right from Facebook. Once I have photos of my own, consider it done!
Love.

Homestretch

Is that all one word? I don't even know.
Regardless, people have come into town, we have rehearsed and eaten a delicious dinner, and the pampering was delicious.  Next is the Bachelorette part tonight.
Can't I stop time so it can all sink in?
No?
I will just have to use this blog to remember thoughts and feelings (especially because I still can't find my journal...). For the most part, I am pretty relaxed and trying to enjoy my time as it comes.
Then it will hit me.
My stomach seizes, my feet start to go numb, it feels like my heart is trying to pump the blood for a 6'11" German man. And it all seems to be happening too quickly.
How can I hold onto this?
Then there's the overwhelmed feeling with how much everyone is doing and giving towards this occasion. Such generosity, no way to express just how much that means.  All I keep thinking is, "for me? You REALLY don't have to."
All in all, it's just crazy.  How anyone is supposed to absorb this time is beyond me. It's coming. In days.
Which is insane.
Yet then I calm down about it and become this pendulum swinging from Panic to Peace.
But Kenny and I are happy. He kept looking at me at the rehearsal dinner and whispering, "I am so happy."
:)
Love him.

Onward!

Alright, after a slightly negative post last time, I thought I would brighten things up with my current perspective.  On this sunshiney day, I can't help but have optimism for how things are going.  It definitely feels like loose ends are getting tied up versus being decided and the Master To-Do List is actually less than two pages now (I just rewrote it)!  Delegated people are in full swing, people are coming into town, and we have no choice but to reach The Big Day with what's done is done.

But the best part is...now comes the fun part.  In the next day or so, we will rehearse, eat good food, get pampered (Kenny is actually getting a haircut by a professional), pack for Hawaii, and enjoy our family and friends.  That sounds pretty good to me.
Thanks to all who have read my lowly thoughts on this process and have been praying every step of the way. If I really think about it, I will only have time for maybe one or two more posts before things accelerate beyond comprehension. We'll see if I'm even able to share new thoughts besides the usual "this is crazy," which would be boring.

This blogger is ready for the beach.  <3

SERIOUSLY.

In case anyone wasn't aware, the wedding is a week from tomorrow.
I have been staving off a breakdown for several days now, but due to certain events that shall remain nameless, it is very near the surface.
My goal for the week before the wedding was to be fairly relaxed.  Naive as it may seem, I thought I would put in all the hard work leading up to that point, then coast into the weekend. 
HA.
Other people had different ideas.
Apparently, that was not to be.
Fair? Maybe not. Reality? Pretty much.
So here we go.  We'll see just how this week unfolds.
I can't help but think about how "this is the last week before your wedding. You won't get that back." You know, the countown REALLY begins. Now we're into "lasts".
My prayer is just to enjoy it, ya know? This has been quite the process and I refuse to let this precious time be stollen from it.  It's been sometimes fun, sometimes frustrating, always emotional, but with this week in mind. It cannot fly past me with a wave and a "hey there" while I trudge through last minute details.
No no.
Over my wedding gown. (Uh-oh...she means business)
So, friends, help me.  Most of you are, but just know where I stand. I do not want to be stressed. I do not want to forget everything about this next week in a blur of details and angst.
I want to enjoy. I want to savor. I want to marinate in this time.

Okay, somebody slap her.  She's gone too far.

Challenge #145- Moving

You'd think we would be professionals at this by now.
At this point in life, we have moved a combined total of 15 times. Okay, that's an estimation, but plenty of times nonetheless. And here we are again- moving.  This, however, is the "big move."  Kenny is slowly and surely moving his stuff in.  This, of course, means being combined with my stuff. 
Boy stuff.  With my stuff. 
Sorry, but this isn't totally okay with me. 

Right about now, we have one room devoted to just...stuff.  And now we decide where everything goes.  Together.
Having it in said room is better than where it all was before- the doorway.  Natalie nearly had a mini-meltdown when there was no longer any way to get in or out of the front door. 
Uncool.
I had been so good all day, right up until we were leaving and there was still a dresser poised on our front porch, waiting to come in.  Once inside, just right there, I believe my exact words were, "I just...can't."
An hour later Kenny was asking me, "Are you still thinking about the dresser?" to which I replied a meak, "yes."
So we've come a long way, having it all in one room.
It's at this point that I really wish I was in "Bedknobs and Broomsticks" and could have things fly to where they should go in the time it would take to sing about it.
All of this to say that things must be moved in relatively soon, as people start to arrive in town and then the wedding happens.  That is in less than two weeks, my friends.  I'm trying to take the time to process this once-in-a-lifetime time, but it's challenging considering everything there still is to DO that I don't really want to do.  I'm pretty much ready to be done. 
Just a little bit more. I've come this far (as if I'm needing positive self talk for crossing the Sahara or something). 

Remembered

I just got home from a most beautiful and heartfelt memorial. 
It was lovely, honest, full of love, and touching.
But that was Lylah.
Now, she was not my grandma, but she was Grandma Peavy all the same and shared a special bond with two of my wonderful cousins. Therefore, we were there.
Watching the montage of her life, especially her time with her husband, Jack, was very emotional and as if from a movie.  She was the kind of woman you wouldn't think exists anymore.  As the story goes, she grew up in small town Montana and moved to Seattle to work at Boeing during the war. After meeting Jack and dating for three months, they knew it was meant to be and got married.  Family vacations to Montana were annual, clothes were made and made well, and dessert was never lacking at Grandma's house. If you were family once, you were family always.  The affect she had on others was so powerful, I am sure the service could have continued for another hour just sharing memories alone. Words cannot capture Lylah and why I am writing about her here, but I just wanted to share how marvelous someone can still be. 
As I drive up and down Aurora, come in contact with a hundred people a day at my job, and attempt to navigate my way in this crazy (and getting crazier) world, I want to remember people like Lylah.  People who, no matter what, loved first.  People who were intentional with their family and knew the whereabouts of every cousin, niece, and grandchild. People whose joy and love for Christ defined their very selves. People who, as they pass on, there's absolutely no doubt as to where they are now, enjoying God's Kingdom and happier than ever.
What a pleasure it was to bear witness to such an extraordinary life.  No discoveries were made, no inventions were born, and the only plaque with her name on it will mark where she lie next to her beloved husband, but her life was remarkable. I was honored to be there and know her.
And I hope to remember her as an example of what is truly important- loving others, whether it is your husband, family, or someone you hardly know.
Sorry for the off-topic post, but as I enter into this marriage I have been reflecting on who I want to be in it.  No longer it is just me and my life that I am worrying about, but now I will be a wife to someone and then hopefully a mother and grandmother. And along the way, I want to be someone like Lylah.

Thank you, everyone out there, for also acting as examples to me of how I want to be.  However, I know it will only be by the grace of God. And I'm sure others would agree.  :)

Myths, Myths, EVERYWHERE

Wedding Myth #2 Exposed: There are no "original" wedding ideas.
Sorry friends. I hate to break it to you.  But prepare yourselves for some cold, hard truth.
You may think that you did it.  The perfect way to display napkins...the most unique wedding favor...even an original fruit juice blended just for your wedding.  No wedding blog/bride in history has ever thought of this.
Oh, but they have.

I have come to realize after months of planning that no matter how rare my beautiful concept may be, someone else has done it.  Someone, somewhere. If you think about it, how many weddings have been held over the years, thrown by trendy couples who have way better vision than you or I, coming up with ideas that make ours look like ugly stepchildren?

A lot.

So when we bolt upright in bed, awaking from a dream where the most brilliant way to decorate the tables came to you as if a gift from the Wedding Fairy, don't get too excited. It has and/or will be done in the near future and you will innocently walk into a wedding where, lo and behold, you stare aghast at their centerpieces and think, "HOW?"
Take heart, dear bride- you are not alone. We have all be thwarted once or twice.
Yet another opportunity to look over at that future husband and remember what it's all for. 
The gifts.

(hahaha)

A "moment"

Uh-oh...here we go...another attack of the panic.  
Sometimes, I really do just get too caught up in the details.  I mean, why wouldn't I when I spend an entire chunk of my day trying to cross things off my list and feeling failure when I can't? Or go from cake toppers to, well, cake to makeup to flowers to decorations, all in a matter of hours?  And can't seem to answer regular, run-of-the-mill questions anymore because my decision making ability has been compromised?
I need to not make myself feel guilt that I have no idea what the perfect cake topper would be or if I skip the gym or if I can only cross a couple of things off my list today.
I am trying.
And Kenny loves me anyway.

I just snuck away to take another peak at his ring that lives in my sock drawer. I have been meaning to for awhile now (even just to check that it was still there) and thought that, feeling overwhelmed, now was the perfect time.
First, it was still there.  Phew.
Second, I really just can't wait to put that on his finger and be standing up in front of everyone to do it.
And that's why we're doing this.  At the end of it all, Kenny will be my husband and I will be his wife and most other things will remain the same (except a certain collection of old t-shirts that will "disappear", of course) and that's what we want. Just to be happy. Together. 
So I just need a mental break sometimes. And not only that, but the written permission to do so and not have my very existence wrapped up in this wedding. I cannot keep having a daily Crisis of Natalie due to this wedding. Having it be ONE OF the most important times in my life and not letting it be THE most important thing in my life is a very thin line.
And I was never very good at balancing on those.

Hams

As sure as Kenny is sitting next to me strumming his guitar, we took our engagement pictures today. 
You could never meet a more prepared duo for such an event.  Showered, shampooed and shined, fed, on time, and properly outfitted. That, of course, took a long time to decide. I have not been professionally photographed since my senior pictures and I sure hope I have come a long way since then.

"What could I possibly have in my closet that I feel comfortable & pretty in/want to immortalize in engagement pictures for ever and ever?"

Well, who knows if I got anywhere close to the immortalizing part, but comfortable and pretty were accomplished.  Kenny looked dead sexy in his new shirts and even got a haircut- his first haircut in two years from a professional.  It looks sweet. I took notes. :)
Hanging out with Laura and her husband Dave was great. They are both so chill that there was absolutely no stress.  Alki was the perfect location, filled with sunshine and little kids wanting to play right where we were taking pictures rather than anywhere else on the beach. Go figure. But for the most part, Laura found perfect spots for us and we only got a few whistles for some kissing photos (gotta have 'em).
We looked good, felt good, and have no idea what to expect from the 250 photos taken. I feel like my hair had a great amount of potential to be ALL over the place.
I just know that I got a milkshake out of the deal- just wait for the pictures- and it was a fun experience.  Hopefully I will get them online by next week for all to see.
Absolutely insane to think we have less than a month left.
Better get on board 'cause this train is on the fast track to Nuptialville.
(Oh- you don't know where that is? It's right past Panic Town and just before Surreal City. You can't miss it).

This time next month...

Now we enter the true, honest to goodness countdown.  As I sit at the Green Bean, having spent time with friends and talking with almost every customer today at work about the upcoming occasion, I look out toward...everything that must get done in a month. 
A. Month.
That is not long.  Considering we began this process with ten whole months to get things accomplished, one month is nothing. All of you loyal readers out there should know that Kenny has acted as the best fiance I can imagine: patiently listening to my reoccurring rants over the pressure, responding to my constant texts throughout the day with random wedding thoughts, and picking flowers for the kitchen table just because. 
Champion.
At this exact time in one month, our wedding will be beginning.  I will either already be crying or trying not to throw up.  My heart will be pounding (like it is right now as I think about it), everything will be done (I hope), and the only thing left to do will be to day "I do."
:)
I. can. Do. that.

Fear

I will confess that right at this moment, I am sitting on the couch in fear of a spider.  I was going on a cleaning spree, putting clothes away in my room and minding my own business when HELLO- spider just chillin' on my jeans on my bed.  AWFUL.  Truly and ridiculously awful.  Oh my word.  Freak Outville.  And after calling Kenny, as if he could help me from Kirkland, I sat and dawdled around Facebook for awhile, hoping to gather enough courage to go do something about it.  Finally, I grabbed the vaccuum and decide to just suck it up, which I could do from afar thanks to those handy extensions.
Bet you can't guess what happened.

He was gone.  I stare at the remaining pile of clothes and just think, "he could be anywhere."  Horrifying.  It makes it hard to breathe.  Now I stare down the hall at the abandoned vaccuum and the bedroom where he still must be and feel defeated.  I've also watched neighbors leave their houses and have been tempted to ask them for help.  I mean, come on- the people across the street leave their shoes OUTSIDE. They MUST be fine dealing with spiders, right?
I know this is stupid.  And I know it's irrational.  I am well aware that I am bigger/they're just as scared of me/they can't hurt me/yaddayaddayadda.  But I also know that as I near them, I get hot, can't breathe, the walls close in, and I want to cry. 
Now there's a spider loose in my room.  Perfect.  Just what I wanted.  This is definitely worst case scenario.  For me.  The spider picked the right house in which to live.
*shudder*

Wedding Myths Exposed

I was driving home from work this afternoon, gradually decreasing my speed from 40mph to 30mph while glancing over at the ridiculous amount of lily pads at Greenlake whilst also pondering the runners.

When I see them, I remember the good ol' days. I used to run, you know.  For a good couple of months there (longer than any stretch of running I have ever accomplished), I was diligently running Greenlake and beyond, almost to the point of actually claiming to be A Runner. 
However, my natural disillusionment with running caught up with me and my zeal ran itself right off a cliff. I just stopped. And joined a gym instead (please refer to past posts for embarrassing "Physical Assessment" story) with the hopes of completely revamping my body.
Thus the inspiration for this post.  I thought about how I am certainly not the only bride to decide her current body is suddenly nowhere near where it should be and it is high time to reach perfect physical condition before fitting into the perfect dress/honeymoon bikini.  Enter Unattainable Diet and Exercise Plan. Such goals, such visions, such impracticality. 
Sure- now that you have more on your plate then ever before and can hardly stomach the thought of grocery shopping over invitation-making, you're more likely to maintain a complete makeover to your eating and exercise habits.
Right.
Let's blow the lid right off that thought, shall we?
And it's okay if we fall off the wagon, ladies.  We are only human. Flawed, busy brides who cannot lose sleep and self esteem over skipping the gym in order to actually spend time with that future husband. We can only do what we can do, friends, and being healthy is such a nice thought.  But I am just hoping to feel beautiful regardless of what they say "perfection" is. I just wanted to throw that out there.
Basically what I am learning is self-acceptance.  A never-ending lesson, to be sure, but magnified during this wedding planning process (as are my thighs, but whatever).  :)

Please stay tuned for more incredibly shocking and fervently accurate reports on Wedding Myths Exposed.
'Til next time.

Here

The dress           is in.
I got "the call" yesterday afternoon, which was both unexpected and perfect timing since my beloved Amber and Emma were already coming out to visit and I thought my madre would be free to join us.  She was.
I will admit, is was really fun to try it on.  I didn't think that it would be anything special (probably because the last time I was in dresses, none of them were mine), but it felt really good to put it on and have it my MY dress.  Suddenly I was making decisions and picking shoes and having opinions on things.  Before, during the trying-on stage, everything was so hypothetical that I felt pretty removed from what we were talking about.  Now, the dress was on, it was mine, the veil was on, it was mine, and the rest of the details seemed to just flow.
Yay.
Now, you know me (at least I hope you do...if you don't, thanks for reading this random person's blog) and how frugal I can be.  Alright, a downright tightwad.  And that's fine by me.  However, let's now call me a Naive tightwad. 
Throughout this Planning A Wedding experience, the cost factor has taken some getting used to.  But we have found a deal on everything (and I mean everything- have yet to pay full price for any big item) and considered decisions to death, thereby comforting ourselves that the money is being well spent.
But I went into getting the dress totally unprepared.  First of all, I didn't actually get the dress.  It has yet to be bustled and steamed, both of which cost extra money (I thought dresses came with bustles and steaming was part of the cost of the dress- pishaw).  Then, I thought I was escaping the usual necessities- alterations, hemming, slips, bras, etc. AND I had an in-store credit to cover the shoes I wanted.

HA.
I needed all of the above, except for the alterations/hemming due to paying a bit more for a higher heel. 
I could have laughed at myself. Silly Natalie. 
Of course.
I shall just take solace in the fact that everything will be the right length/in the right place on the big day so I won't have to worry about it.  Can I say the same about other details in limbo right now? No.  But that's okay.  :)

Overload

The Great Couch Hunt 2010 has begun for the soon-to-be-Soldanos.  And boy, has it been fun.
First of all, I have now become officially addicted to Craigslist.  I am on it for hours. 
Secondly, why does anyone own wicker furniture in the first place?
And thirdly, please join me in praying for the perfect couch and loveseat for us to buy.  I'm hoping that I will know it when I see it, but I'm not so sure anymore. :)
Let's just say that we had a perfectly good deal on our hands yesterday, and even had money/cleaned out truck ready, and I froze.  I can't even, right now, tell you why we passed them up.  I was just complerely indecisive.  We even left to talk it over at Taco Time (for about an hour, mind you) and all I remember is yelling "I DON'T KNOW" at the top of my lungs, only to sink back in the passenger seat and become catatonic as we drove away from Kenmore. 
Don't ask me what happened.  The theory goes that since I have had so much on my mental plate (a.k.a. The Neverending To-Do List) that my brain was overwhelmed at the sight of one more decision.  I just couldn't do it. 
So.  Enter my complete obsession with couh hunting on Craigslist.  There are some choice couches out there, but which one is the right one?
No idea.
It would be nice to get some more furniture in here besides the two Ma & Pa recliners, so that has been a motivating factor.
That, and redemption for the yelling and the sulking over the first couch experience.
Yeah, that.

Not too shabby...

The truth is, I could get used to this.  The house is starting to shape up, we are on the hunt for some furniture (if you know of a couch or loveseat that is practically brand new for a reasonable price, let us know), and some of our lilies are currently in a vase on the kitchen table.  Love it.
It's quiet, warm, and ours. And it feels like home. Praise God, is all I have to say.

In other news, I am FREE- I just switched my work schedule and now have two whole days off in a ROW! This news was followed by disbelief, confirmation, then dancing. How do I know that Kenny is "the one?" At this announcement, he also began leaping and jumping and skipping around the house with me until I was satisfied.
He's a keeper. 
I shall now spend the day filled with optimism, energy, and spontaneous clapping when I remember that I DON'T WORK TOMORROW.
I can't post anymore now.  Too excited. 
To be continued tomorrow ('cause I have the day off). I have some thoughts about "cleaving".

12:19am

I would like to point out that it is well past my bedtime and I am still online. Why?  We got INTERNET installed tonight!  Of course, there's a story behind it, but I couldn't resist lying in bed and blogging.  That's right- we have wireless.  Oh my word, it is glorious.  After years of the archaic ethernet, we have advanced into this century and can now access the internet from anywhere in the house.
It's a beautiful thing.
Had to take advantage. 

Oh my word, not another one.

Once again, I open up the darned Knot page, suckered into it by an intriguing article I was tempted to peruse, and there it was- the countdown.  55 days and counting...I looked at Kenny and said, "I need to blog."
We are currently sitting at the home of the Huizars, getting ready to print labels/response cards/directions.  It's funny how just when you think you have one thing done, someone asks a question and your hand is forced- you must reply, "No. We don't have that done yet. In fact, we never even thought of it." So let's all pray that what we want done actually gets done today.

In other news, I AM MOVED.  No, not emotionally, but physically moved out of my apartment!  Holy crap, I can't believe it.  In fact, that is also what inspired the need for blogging.  My first night in my new house and I had another awful wedding dream.  I was recounting it to Kenny in the car and summed it up with, "Well, I just hope that nothing ends up like that.  Nothing."  That includes the wedding party walking down the aisle to "Hey Ya" by accident, me forgetting to put on any makeup, wearing a mullet wedding dress (short in the front, long in the back- what the HECK), and myself walking down the aisle with a sparkler.
I'll give you a second with all of those horrifying possibilities.


This qualified as a nightmare, folks.  I was beyond thankful to wake up and have reality hit me. I awoke in the new house, however, and that was a little strange. I do stress the "little." What's even weirder is that it doesn't feel that strange at all.  Even sitting in the living room last night, boxes everywhere, I felt at home.  STRANGE, huh? I thought I would feel like a fish out of water, but not at all.  We had only been there a total of maybe three times, and not for long, but it just felt right.
Anyway, enough about that. Just wanted to keep you posted (heh, that pun never ceases to make me chuckle) and let you know that there is now a Soldano home base. It feels good. I can now devote an entire corner of the living room to wedding stuff.  *lets out deep breath*  Let the projects begin!
Feel free to bring by a casserole or festive flowerpot at your leisure. ;)
Finally, to add to our new home, we were able to purchase a coffee table and matching littler table off the side of Aurora from a guy named "Jim" who was shirtless, shoe-less, with a long grey beard. But Kenny got him down to $25 dollars in the end. It needs to be refinished, of course, along with the kitchen table from the Latvian rummage sale, but they look good already.  Go figure.

Just as I predicted...

Bloodshot eyes...wild hair...frazzled nerves...and we're not even done yet.  The invitations are printed, and they are cute.  Still left are the labels, response cards, and postage. Thanks to the best MOH ever, Jennifer Huizar, who commandeered the whole thing and stayed up WAY past her bedtime to help this lost couple.  She gets a ton of best friend points.

Guys, I just have to admit something. All attempted wit and fun times aside, I'm noticing that my enjoyment of these processes has amounted to less and less with each task. 
Now that we are under two months, I'm kind of starting to freak out.  There is still SO MUCH to do.
Picture this: sleep-deprived Natalie, the afternoon after printing invitations until 1am, lying on her bedroom floor.  While staring at the ceiling, tasks flood her mind.  One thing after another, every box to check holding the hand of another, skipping through her thoughts, until all that's left to do is.... continue to lie on the floor.
Of course.
Couple that with having to move this weekend, and you have a "ready to snap" Natalie. Fun, huh?
I know I'm supposed to embrace this time and enjoy it, but there are days where I find that challenging.  In one breath I can't wait for it to happen so that we can start our lives together and, I swear, in the same breath I know I should be taking in every moment and soaking in this time that we will never get back. Then there's the breath where I still can't believe that we're engaged at all (this is the breath that people probably want to slap- it's going on nine months already!). 
Thanks for letting me vent. I'm praying that once I'm passed this weekend and things are moved, I will be in a calmer place.  Of course, I'm kinda terrified to move into the house that Kenny and I are going to live in (that's on one hand) and that I'll be living there by myself (chillin' on the other hand).
Until another post...(I swear it'll be more upbeat).  :)

Ready, Set, Move

As it turns out, I have a few encouraging things of note to report.
First, as children run and wail above me and after a night's sleep narrated by neighbor's BBQing, I am happy to say that we are signing our lease today.  Why haven't we already done that, you ask? Well, Phalla (pronounced "Paula") needed some paperwork and it required the use of the postal service and only now are we all able to meet at the house.  Tonight, at 5:30pm, we will be house renters. That's right- in a week, I will be inhabiting The Soldano Homestead alone, terrified of night and able to hear my breathing echo until Kenny joins me in August. But, there will be a yard.
Of course, that means actually moving, which is a whole 'nother story.  I hate moving.  Moving haunts my dreams.  Moving peers over my shoulder and snears at my attempt at list-making and prioritizing.  Moving screams at the top of its lungs at the mountain of stuff to pack, triggering an avalanche of simultaneous panic and exhaustion before even beginning.
Yet with moving, there's pizza.  :)
Prayers for moving.  Well, not for Moving. Moving can take a flying leap.  Prayers for Natalie relocating in the next few days.
Second, my hair actually has grown.  When opening up my blog today, I was able to compare hair length in the photo from October that sits atop the page with my photo with Lynda Lynda.
So there's that. 

Our current project is invitations.  If when you see me next, my eyes are bloodshot, my hair disheveled, and I demonstrate jumpy behavior, then I've been working on invitations.
The List still has yet to get any smaller, people.

A first!

Sunday afternoon marked a first in the Life of Natalie- a bridal shower.  Thrown by my dear Auntie Hinkie, everything bridal and Mexican was the order of the day, including the best margarita that I've ever had. Now, I figure that anyone reading this was actually already there, but I'll provide my own commentary nonetheless.  I went into it feeling a bit anxious and overwhelmed, and that was all before I walked in the door.  As it turns out, I had every right to be. :)
It's stressful to have that much attention from such important people.  My coworker's mom came into Diva that morning and asked, "Do you like to be the center of attention?" to which I replied "not....for long." 
What a wonderful thing, though.  The fact that there are even people wanting to throw/come to such a function made me feel honored.  In the beginning, everyone went around to introduce themselves and say how they knew me.  Now THAT was a blessing.  Again, the women gathered in one room from different parts of my life made my heart swell. 
Opening gifts, however, was just as awkward as I thought it would be.  Don't get me wrong- I'm so grateful and couldn't be more thankful for those who gave us such great things, but just the act of sitting there in front of everyone and opening gifts was a bit surreal.  But I'm not complaining (I just kept sipping margarita). 
You attend plenty of these things in your life, usually as the one sitting back on the couch or going back for thirds through the buffet line, and it's odd when it's for you.  I feel truly blessed, everyone.  The featured picture is with Lynda Lynda, who made the masterpiece that is my rehearsal bouquet.  She was so dilligent and attentive to detail that it turned out to be truly beautiful (except the pic of my isn't so great).
It was also cool to know where everything is going- our house.  Big relief to have that figured out.
Sorry to say that it's over. I've been looking forward to it for so long now and it has passed. I hate that.  Again- makes me a bit concerned for the wedding day.  I hope I don't spend too much time concerned with how fast it is flying by and how it will soon be over.

"Done"

It is official- The Soldanos have a house and we couldn't be more thrilled! I waited a couple of days to post it, since until now we have only had Paula's "word," but we have paperwork in our hands and the proverbial ball is rolling.  SO exciting! It's strange that it all happened so fast and it's rapidly off our list.  One minute, we're barely scratching the surface of the monster that is house hunting and the next thing we know, there's our house.  God is good, friends. 
All I know is that the feeling was mutual between Kenny and I- this is where we will live.  We just knew it. Quite a God moment that sent us skipping down the sidewalk after seeing it. If you're not skipping, then it's not the one.  Good rule of thumb. :)

On a self-improvement note, I went to the gym.  It was time to stop just talking about it and join.  And that's what I did.  Well, not without some moments of ridiculousness (of course).  I knew it wasn't going to be easy, having to ward off pitches and deals and numbers with samurai skill.  And that was just yesterday on the tour.
Today, on the other hand, was a whole different day at the gym.  I went in for a free hour of consultation and physical assessment, geared up for some gentle activity and paperwork.  Matt, Mr. LA Fitness Man, had other ideas.  We began this "circuit" of strength training that was well beyond Natalie's abilities.  No, Matt, I wasn't being modest when I said I have no endurance or strength. You wanna run me into the ground just to make sure? I made it through two "sets" of four, when on the third I felt dizzy, with blackness creeping into my eyesight and suddenly Matt's voice didn't sound so close anymore.
Uh-oh.
Well, Natalie, you know what this is.  It'll be alright. Just drink water and keep him engaged in conversation while you clear your head and remember how UNcool it would be to pass out on Day 1 at the gym.
Mission accomplished, until I tried the machine.  I was able to do one pull-the-thingy-around-the-thing before I knew I was really in trouble.  Matt was very understanding after many apologies from me, saying that the final set would probably make me vomit.
"Really?" I asked, curiosity piqued.  "What does it look like?"  You know, maybe I could do it.
He steps in to demonstrate and as he is pulling the thingy around, just the sight of him makes me nauseous and lightheaded once more and I knew we were done.  This he couldn't know, of course, so as he kept chatting, I slowly lowered my head and attempted to be as involved in the conversation as possible.
Not a great showing on my part. I realize this.
I could hardly focus the rest of our meeting, having burned through my energy (and pride) reservoir like THAT and just signed up for the damn membership. Matt probably noticed a drastic difference between Ready Rita and Drained Dana.  I could have fallen asleep at his desk, though loosing consciousness at that point would have been a bad idea.
Man, I don't care how healthy you think you are.  As soon as you walk into a gym, you have bad habits and even the way you breathe needs to be corrected. Okay, maybe that's an exaggeration. But I don't smoke, hardly drink, don't even drink soda, indulge in the occasional fatty food, and try to remain fairly active (thinking, "I got this" as I swagger through the doors of LA Fitness) and instead, I leave defeated and ashamed as ever at the lifestyle I lead. I mean, my bad habit is MILK.  How bad could it be? Pass-out bad.
No pain, no gain, right? Don't worry- I don't expect to become a whole different person by August.  The wedding is merely a butt-kicker to help make happen what I've wanted for so long. 
Let's just see where I end up (hopefully not on the floor of LA Fitness). 

Paula

Alright, I don't want to speak too soon (and who knows- by the time people check this, we may have it all said and done), but after a whole day of seeing apartments and houses all around the greater Seattle area, we found the PERFECT HOUSE for the Soldanos, located SEVEN BLOCKS from my current apartment, with EVERY ammenity that we need, for a GREAT PRICE.
Why am I sitting here writing about it rather than signing a lease right now?
Well.  You know us- we can't make any big decisions easily, duh.  Even though this house is exactly what we were hoping for, we must endure the necessary talks with wise counsel and talk to death the pros and cons of said house. 
The best part of the deal?  Paula.  Paula is the Asian landloard who is quite short and manic.  It's fun to follow Paula around her house as she's crawling down in the vent and/or sticking her head in the oven to exclaim, "I VERY clean!" over and over.
She liked us, too.  Apparently we passed her unsaid test of taking our shoes off before coming in the house (it has new carpet) and kept looking at us slyly, like she had found "the ones." 
Or maybe I was just imagining that. :)
Prayers for what's next for the future Soldanos!

Night-Marry

Yes, another one.
All I remember is it either being pretty darn close to or on the wedding day. 
And I forgot the ring.  I never grabbed it- I could still picture it resting comfortably in my sock drawer. My heart was pounding out of my chest and I was a beginning to consider running when my faithful MOH, Jennifer, smirked at me and said,"Do you really think I didn't get it?"
*DEEP BREATH OUT*
There were a few other scary moments in yet another bad wedding dream (of this I'm sure, since I woke up in a panic at 6:30am) but lay there and had a calming thought- my betrothed is experiencing the same thing!  Kenny told me last week or so that he was having some wedding dreams of his own.  Something about not having tuxes and having to call buddies the day-of to scrounge some up.  :)
I told him that must mean he should cross "get tuxes" off of is To Do List.
I'm no Joseph, but I think I know what these dreams are getting at- the Boy Scout motto.
Be Prepared.
Lists, lists, and more lists. Let's hope we get our ducks in a row before we're stuck in Snohomish and Kenny's wedding ring is still snuggled up with my socks and underwear.
Our marriage class finished up last week.  I can't believe that we went through the eight weeks of it already Just goes to show that time is, in fact, passing quite quickly.  It was a very good experience.  We all agreed at our last meeting, a potluck, that we were very fortunate to have the group that we did.  Quality folks and good discussions.  Our mentor couple, Rick and Orleen, were very similar to Kenny and I and they offered much wisdom.  She's has been an English teacher for many years (retiring this year, in fact) and Rick was an engineer. You can imagine the parallels in the relationships when talking about expressing feelings and differing interests.  :)  There were many times when Kenny and I glanced at each other knowingly after they gave an example of how they communicate.  It was very valuable.
Now we are house hunting today and getting excited to find that place (which was NOT, in fact, this place on Genesee that had no closets and the W & D were perched outside, under the carport. No).
Wish us luck!

Onward

The 3rd of June. And it's a doosey.
Had a great weekend at the Canal with everyone and, boy, did it go too fast. I guess that's what happens when you look forward to something so much, seeing every activity and task accomplished as one step closer to it, that no matter how hard you try to hold on to it, it still slips through your fingers like everything else.
Darnnit. 
Makes me wonder what the wedding day will be like...I thought I'd be cool as a cucumber, sitting back with a mimosa to enjoy, but now I think I might freak out- try to grab on to every moment and when I can't, get frustrated.
Well, let's just hope I'm a little bit more mature then.
Can't hold on too tight.
Of course, now that the weekend is behind me, it's "Ready...Set.....PLAN!"
(Won't you be so glad when the marriage-isms are over?)  :)
That is the permission I gave my brain at of 8pm Monday night.  Memorial Day weekend was officially over and I had been waiting to open the Floodgates of Planning.
Consider it done.  It's time to get serious, friends.  No more messing around. Believe it or not, a wedding is happening in about two months and stuff must get DONE. Oh- wait, hold on....is that- your phone ringing?  It is? Oh yeah, it is me! I need your help!
:)

You, too???

Alright, alright- my wedding moratorium is nearly at its end. After this weekend, I will jump back into planning with a flourish and rapidly strike things off my list as we draw ever closer to that magical date.

Well. I'm gonna try, anyway.
For those loyal readers out there, I realized today that I have only been writing on Thursdays (my day off) and I hope this is okay with you.  Maybe it's too "few and far between" to keep your attention.  If so, I'm sorry.  I wish there were some more entertaining happenings to report, but news has been slow.
I did, however, have a lovely conversation with a customer at The Green Bean in Greenwood this morning as I sipped the most delicious americano and logged some thoughts in my journal. He admired the fact that I was even writing in a journal, an archaic activity anymore, and I confessed that it had been awhile since I struck up a blog.  After asking what the blog was about, we chatted about wedding planning and the challenges of it all.  He was very nice and encouraging.  Thanks for your words, Mr. Coffee Customer Man.

Speaking of coffee shop customers, I've been finding it so hard to keep my mouth shut when customers come in wearing engagement rings.  All I want to do as they're digging in their purse, showing off the bling, is lean over the counter and ask, "So, how is wedding planning going for you?"  I am just so CURIOUS.  Of course I bite my tongue, as that question doesn't often naturally follow "would you like a copy of your receipt today?" Receipt talk doesn't really invite I'ma Bride-You'rea Bride chit-chat. 
Then there's the customer who I desperately want to be, coming in on a coffee run on her way to the venue on her wedding day, with "Bride" written in cursive on the back of her white zip-up hoodie (classic), bubbling over with excitement. 

Bah.
I think I actually found myself reaching after her as she left, mumbling "I wanna be you...." before I realized how creepy that would be to witness as my coworker and I pulled myself together. 
Soon enough, I know.  87 days, actually.
But who's counting?  ;)

4 years and some change

Friends, we are rapidly approaching our 3 Month Deadline and I want to report this: bring it on.

How did time slow down since the beginning of the year when so much needed to be decided and we were on the fast track to having no wedding (or that's the pressure we felt, anyway, if we didn't figure certain things out)?  This month has felt like we're just waiting in the airport terminal, bags in hand, looking up at the flight board and praying ours is next.

But it's not.

Okay, okay- I've already mused about my impatience.  But the point of this whole exercise, a.k.a. blog, is to keep you posted (ha-get it?) on where I am at.  So here I am!  Still tapping my foot and flaring my nostrils at the fact that we are still NOT DONE WITH MAY!

In other news, Kenny and I just celebrated our four year anniversary on Sunday.  Technically we are approaching more like six years, but for Round Two, it's four.  I'll be honest and say that it was a bit underwhelming this year. NOT that it's a day to forget, but we're planning for something a bit bigger and there wasn't a big "to-do" like there has been in year's past. 

The Rundown: Year One is a big milestone, of course. Then there's Year Two, which just goes to show you're pretty committed and probably haven't celebrated two years with anyone else, so that's a big deal. At Year Three, you're serious and celebrating long gevity. Finally, by Year Four: The Wedding Year, you're just nodding you're head like, "Yup, it's been that long. That's a fact, right there."  (I love you, Kenny) We did, however, manage to take some time for ourselves and hike Mt. Si together (hence the pictures). It was the perfect time to regroup and just spend some time the two of us while testing out our new, awesome hiking shoes!!!

It'll be interesting starting that count all over in marriage.  So much more to get to know, believe it or not.  Suddenly, you're back down to Year Zero, looking over at that person and thinking, "I never knew he had that habit." Seems impossible, but lovely.  I'm looking forward to re-meshing our lives.

Watch out, Kenny- there's so much you don't know... ;)

Come on AUGUST!

On this sunny day, I can't resist coming into this post a bit more chipper than I intended when I was thinking about what to write. Originally, it was going to be a bit on the somber side, but I will now attempt a bit of a lilt in what I type to parallel the nice day.
Kenny and I have been immersing ourselves in so much marriage/relationship talk, it's nauseating.  What with our "marriage homework" from Ryan Church and homework from our Life Together class, we've hardly talked about the wedding, let alone spent any time simply having a relationship.  
Want to cuddle and watch a movie? TOO BAD. Must....discuss....love expectations...*sob*
Don't get me wrong- it's all good stuff and beneficial in its own right, but it's time consuming. Coupled with everything else we have going on, alone time to just spend time together, without an agenda, is nil. Plus, I am itchy enough about being married already without talking about things which can't be applied until WE'RE MARRIED.  "I do" already!
Am I ready to have a wedding yet, on the other hand? Of course not.  HA- that's a totally different thing.  :)
I knew May would be a tricky month, falling somewhere in between big decisions being made and the summer wedding season (and other big decisions) commencing.  It's a lag month and, boy, am I lagging.  I am at the edge of the diving board, ready to jump in, but have to wait for the pool to fill up.  With a garden hose.
Patience has never been a strong suit. :)

For Rent

As I was pondering posting over the last couple of days, I found myself wishing to share so many thoughts with you!  Most of them are lost now, of course, but a few have hung in there and I hope you're ready.

I spent the majority of my morning today rummaging through wedding websites and generally wishing that I were able to include so many more details than humanly possible for one wedding.  We can't have beverages sitting in a wheelbarrow and an antique bathtub. Over the top.  Instead I think we'll just have them....at the bar....
Sigh.  It's a whole 'nother ballgame I have yet to enter- so far I've only compiled decoration ideas and tucked them away, feeling better that I'm doing a little something but not really committing to anything.

On the home-search homefront, Kenny and I looked at a place on Monday.  Yes, it's a bit early, but I seem to be unable to avoid looking at rental ads in the paper...so I saw one that claimed to be "GORGEOUS" and mostly remodeled for a reasonable price in our area, so we had to see it. 
Of COURSE they were lying.
I have two words for you: wet bar.
That's right- a very 70's place, with orange linoleum and formica countertops, complete with a wet bar right alongside the dining room.  Well, really just a little sink and counter, which made it look worse than a legit wet bar that you see nowadays. 
The best part? Walking in and Kenny asking, "So what should we be looking for?" and Nora says, "Well, not the dead squirrell on the balcony. Don't worry, I'll get rid of it." 
Awesome.
It really wasn't horrible, but the pros and cons pretty much cancelled each other out and Kenny and I agreed that "that's not our place."  However, it was pretty neat to check one out.  The moment escaped us at the time, since we got lost on the way and I was distracted by having to pee the whole time, but later we revelled in the fact that we had looked at a place together.  First time I'd ever looked at an apartment with a boy, that's for sure.
I did see this place is available and think it just screams "The Soldanos." Whaddya think?
http://seattle.craigslist.org/see/apa/1727741391.html
Maybe we'll keep looking... ;)

Approved!

As you may have noticed, your resident blogger has once again experimented with the blog look.  I discovered a site (thanks, Brianna) through which I could modify certain aspects of my page that nearly kept me up at night with bother.  I have now spent the better part of several hours making the changes and probably will continue to do so- one cannot rest before reaching blog perfection, right? (Actually, I'm just trying to reduce my annoyance over little things whenever I post). I am still working on making the (mondo) token Kenny & Natalie Engagement Shot a bit smaller and adding an entirely different heading to the top. Work in progress, considering I'm learning as I go and definitely fall at the sad end of the computer-literate curve.
Let me know what you think.

I have another announcement.  Hold onto your lattes, because it's pretty big.
All my life, I have looked forward to this day. No, not engagement or marriage, silly. 
Credit card approval!  And not just any credit card- thanks, Capital One, for putting your faith in me long ago- but MACY'S!  Oh. My. Gosh.  Such an honor.  I persevered and attained my goal.  I'd like to thank my parents for helping me reach this dream, teaching me about fiscal responsibility and online bill payment.  To Paris Hilton, who taught me that spending frivolously only leads to poor pet and fashion choices.  And finally, to Kenny, who will keep me in monetary check for the rest of my life.  Now we can earn rewards with our registry, the cherry on top of marriage, I'm sure- just like they tell you.
Big news, I know.  I promise future posts will not send your heart racing like this one.
That's enough excitement for one day.  ;)

Latvian Love

No couch?  No dining room table?  Well whaddya know- you can head to the estate/rummage sale nearest you to find what you need and have a cultural experience along the way!
I thought it was innocent enough- ads in the newspaper for local sales this weekend that Kenny and I could peruse for fun and potentially come across a few items for our future home in the process. WELL.  The first stop wasn't too eventful.  Couch, yes. For us? No. We purchased a few awesomely antique English Composition books for me to decorate my future Writing Room with and moved on. 

THEN we headed to what was, I thought, going to be a simple neighborhood sale. We arrived with only a half hour left, but believe me- it was a sight to behold.  :) It just...kept...going.  I think it was a church that was filled with stuff that must have been donated by everyone within a five mile radius. 

Correction- every Latvian within a five mile radius.

I began to notice that some folks weren't speaking English, but I couldn't place the language.  Then there was mention of all things Latvian on one of the signs. Who knew we would get such a culteral experience while shopping at this rummage sale?  The music was great and the people were very nice, helping us purchase a 1960's Remmington typewriter (for $5) and good natured about bartering for a kitchen table.  Kenny bartered down a Latvian and was admired for it, with the same man coming to the car as we were leaving to say, "I don't know what kind of husband he'll be, but he drives a hard bargain!"  It was a great day.

Another great day? Getting pampered by the wife of our officiant, Julie, at her house where she sells a line of natural beauty products.  Just brides and their bridal party/family invited, so plenty of wedding talk. Good conversation, hand treatments, foot treatments, and I bought some really nice makeup taboot.  Kenny, honey, I know you said you like me without makeup (repeatedly when I told you I bought some), and you will see me plenty of times in our lives without it, but if we're having a ton of pictures taken of us in the coming months, this girl will wear makeup.  But the thought is sweet.

On a wedding note, the bridesmaid dresses are ordered. Phew!  The ring is being made.  Yay! And Kenny and I are spending today crossing off other things on our To Do lists, which may include registering at REI if we can.  Man, it will feel good to get some more things done. 
Blog? Check.

125 days...has a nice ring to it

Mornin' ya'll...
Well I am up bright and early, tea in hand, on my day off for multiple reasons.  First, it's apparently to celebrate the nice number of 125 days until the wedding. I like the sound of it.  The Knot never fails to alert me whenever I happen onto their sight and it surprises me every time that they know who I am and that I'm getting married.  :)
Secondly, I must tackle the growing To-Do List that has been haunting my dreams for several days now. I just don't want to DO anything on it...will we ever escape our To-Do lists???  Will we spend the rest of our lives accomplishing new To-Do lists?  Depressing thought.
Plus, I'm trill trying to get back into the wedding groove.  Since so many are happening this year, it seems to be more "the thing to do" right now than something special being planned, you know? And goodness knows that all my life I have tried to run to another pasture opposite the one herding "the thing to do"-ers.I think it's affecting my planning zeal.  Attending one this Saturday (the first of seven this year, including my own) zapped me of my interest resevoir for wedding details pretty quickly, I must say.  How much can one person stand- going to a wedding, appreciating all of the details of course (with a new bride-eye), discussing your own wedding details immediately following, then returning to your wedding detail-littered home for the rest of the evening....andweeksandmonths.  All that to say...pray for me! I want my wedding zeal back! I keep trying to pump myself up, but it's hard sometimes! Come back, wedding zeal!
On an entirely different note, Kenny and I bought a tent.  That's right- we finally purchased OUR OWN TENT, complete with footprint (sold seperately).  The activity we both so much enjoy but has been SO off limits for the past six years- camping (by ourselves anyway)- is now the light at the end of the tunnel (125 days and counting) and we couldn't be more thrilled. 
Ahhh...that makes me feel a bit better.  Not the dress, the cake, the gifts even...but that we will go camping.
Not surprising, huh?  ;)